Helpless as I Protect You
by moonshadow2012
Summary: Double-drabble on "Knockdown". Castle's thoughts during the kiss. Esposito and Ryan being tortured. No slash, just Espo-Ryan friendship and Caskett.


**Double-Drabble from the episode "Knockdown", Caskett and Esposito & Ryan friendship. R&R**

_**Protecting You**_

Castle was in love. For real this time. Beckett was…wow. He didn't even know how to describe her. And that morning in the café…when he had thought he'd lost her…it had been the worst moment of his life. He was not about to lose her again.

Castle had been drunk enough times to know how to act, and he wondered absently if Beckett was tapping into a wild childhood when she did it even better than him. He saw the man walking toward them and he knew – the guy wasn't buying it. He knew something was up. Castle turned Beckett toward him, seeing confusion in her eyes, and kissed her. He kissed her. Beckett. And it was amazing.

But that didn't mean he forgot what was going on.

Castle deepened the kiss, making sure Beckett was unaware as he swiveled them so he was between her and the man with the gun. He expected a burning, searing pain in his back any moment as the man figured it out. He hoped that Beckett would have enough time to pull a gun and fire back as soon as their cover was blown. He hoped that his body was thick enough that the bullet wouldn't go through into his Kate and kill them both. He hoped she was wearing a bulletproof vest.

Castle was expecting to die, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He kissed Kate Beckett, letting his mouth say what his lips couldn't. He heard the swish of cloth as the man pulled the gun from his holster and ignored it. He heard the safety click off and steeled himself. Castle's eyes were shut, but he squeezed them even further closed anyway.

_Alexis, Mother, I am so sorry._ He thought. But Castle didn't move. Maybe after…Beckett would understand. All he wanted to do was protect her…just like he protected everyone else he loved.

_**Helpless**_

Esposito was the tough one. Esposito was the one who was supposed to look out for the two of them, the one who kept Ryan safe. He was supposed to have Ryan's back. Ryan was a good detective, one of the best. But he was soft. Like a little brother. He was naïve and…_cute._ He had the most innocent face Esposito had ever seen. When they'd first been put together, Esposito was sure that Ryan would get himself killed within a week. But then…let's just say Espo had found a new respect for Honey Milk. They were like brothers.

That made this so much harder.

Ryan was suffering, but he was much tougher than he looked. Being dunked in freezing cold water, half-drowned, then pulled out just to have his brother basically give the order for the men to do it again. And Esposito knew _he_ should've been the one they were torturing. Ryan looked the part of the weasel. They should've been dunking Espo to break Ryan, not the other way around.

Esposito had to clench his jaw to keep from giving them what they wanted, just so they would leave his innocent little brother alone.

Ryan wasn't used to being tortured. He still wasn't past the shock of it. The shock that matched the shock of the freezing water. He closed his eyes and held his breath, trying hard to control himself. Sure, he struggled, but when he was yanked up, he always looked over to Esposito. He could see how much his own pain was hurting his brother…and that made him glad that he was the one drowning. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to watch Espo be tortured. He wasn't sure he could be as strong.

Esposito never looked away. He never shut his eyes. He made himself stare at what was happening even though the image was being drilled into his brain forever. Ryan wished Espo would look away. Look down, close his eyes, anything. He didn't want him to have to watch. Because…Ryan tried to be strong, but he knew he couldn't keep this up much longer.

"STOP!"

_No._ Ryan was yanked up as soon as he heard Espo's muffled demand.

"Don't tell these jackholes anything!" Ryan gasped, knowing that his plea was desperate and weak.

"I'm sorry bro, I can't watch this." Esposito said. That much was true. Esposito could see it – Ryan was weakening. He couldn't survive much more of this. Maybe his diversion could buy a little time, maybe enough to let Ryan live just a little longer. "It's over. The cops already know all about…me and your mom."

Ryan laughed along with Esposito in relief. But then his relief was over.

"Shoot out his kneecaps."

"NO! NO!" Esposito screamed.

Ryan felt himself being thrown backwards. He hit the ground and squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the pain and praying to GOD to give him strength. He pressed his lips together – he knew Esposito would watch even though he himself wasn't able to. He had seen how much this was torturing Espo. As long as he was alive he was going to make Espo's torture as painless as possible.

Esposito pulled against the man holding him, struggling even as he was turned toward Ryan. He heard Ryan's body hit the ground and he forced himself to watch. Watch as Lockwood's gun came up. Watch as Ryan closed his eyes and braced himself, even pressing his lips together to keep in the scream of pain that was inevitable. Espo watched. He waited, still screaming for Ryan even though he knew no one was listening.

Watching Lockwood's finger tighten on the trigger, Javier Esposito had never felt so helpless.


End file.
